Disclaimer - This post is all about ME. ME. ME. I'm just giving you a warning in case you don't want to read my blah-blahing about my body image. The next cutesy/crazy kids post should be coming soon!
For the first time in 5 years, the scale read a number less than 130! I weighed in at 129.8 on Saturday! Sure, I don't weigh that right now but still! It's taken me so long to even catch a glimpse at weighing anywhere near that number but for some reason (mental) I have mixed emotions about it all. While I'm shocked and excited, I am also, oddly, disgustingly worried.
I just don't want to reach the point where I'm not satisfied with my weight. It makes me sick to think that I will still look at myself and point out all the things I think are wrong with me. I mean, I was 145 in April of this year and I remember thinking, "If I could just lose 10 pounds. I would be so happy. That's all I need to feel good about myself - 10 pounds." Now, roughly 15 POUNDS later and I find myself thinking, "If I could just lose 5 more pounds."
!!!!!!!
It's disturbing to me and it makes me feel like I'll never really be content. I should be feeling awesome and just worrying about maintaining where I am - not losing more! Even if I did drop another 5, I know I won't look the way I did when I was 125 before babies but I guess I'm kind of curious about what my 125 post-babies body will look like. But then what if I don't like it? When will it stop?!?!
The other day Andrew let me borrow his GPS thinger-ma-jig so it could "guide" me to a doctor's office in Athens. I had used it once before - to take my mom to the Atlanta airport - but I am no where near comfortable with aimlessly following it's directions. (That airport trip was especially nerve-wracking but more because of all the traffic!)
I've witnessed how it can lead you astray from time to time but Andrew will defend it until the end. One time we asked it to find us a Kroger. We obeyed its commands until it said "Arriving at Kroger on right." Um. No. Nope. No Kroger there. "That's just because I need to update its mapping software," he argued, "It probably was here at one time."
Besides an occasional "software" issue, it's really just the idea of putting all my trust in a little box with a voice that sometimes sounds condescending and irritated if we accidentally go off the course. "Recalculating." "Continue .5 miles then make a u-turn." "Make a u-turn." "Recalculating."
She had to "recalculate" several times with me on the day I took her along to the doctor's. For the most part, I did ok because I had a general idea of where I was going. It was on the way home that I had to turn around after misunderstanding her instructions. Fortunately for me, she really didn't let me down. Turns out, the place were I had to turn around just happened to be where Starbucks is.
I called Andrew from the drive-thru and told him - "The GPS made me do it." I mean, come on - she led me right to my drinky! After that, I didn't care if she got me lost or scolded me - I will never doubt her again!
In Savannah, we had tree frogs. For the most part, they would just hang out on our sliding glass door and croak very loudly (had to turn the television up) and poop very excessively (it was EVERYWHERE). Occasionally, one would get in our house. Sometimes, we would find it dead the next day (yum) but other times we would actually witness the little guy jumping inside and then frantically leaping around trying to figure out where the heck it was and why a terrifying scream was filling its ears. Of course, that terrifying scream was coming from a terrified me - as the frog freaked out trying to get to safety, I freaked out trying to find something to catch it. Don't worry - I never killed one - on purpose (it was an accident, I swear). Andrew and I actually came up with an easy (and frog-friendly) way of returning them to the outdoors. We took two cups (that I threw away immediately after the capture and release) and chased the frog until we were able to scoop him up.
As I was going through that whole frog thing, I remember feeling that I thought it was so horrible that I had to deal with it. I would hate having to put the dog outside because I was scared I would let a frog in - or worse, it would jump on my head or something. Now, I wish all I had to deal with were the frogs. Now, I have to deal with these:
They seem to come out of nowhere. Just in the few minutes I've been writing this I've killed 5 of them and they were 5 that had not visibly been in the room with me when I began this blog. Now, I keep stopping every sentence or so to see if I spot any little moving black lines on the carpet. It has been my mission (and tragedy) for the past few weeks.
This blog will not even begin to describe to you just how awful this is for me. When we first moved in, I saw a few of them and immediately called the exterminator. (For those of you who don't know - I am a total bug-o-phobe.) I believed the exterminator did the trick. We hadn't seen an earwig from December through June. He came back to spray in July but they obviously didn't get the hint. I had him come back to spray last week and still the nasty little mo-fos live. I kill anywhere from 10 to 20 around the house a DAY. Nia and Nate even find them. Nia will yell, "Momma, I found an earwig!" and I can always tell when Nate finds one because he gets really quiet (which is rare) and stares at the floor.
I have researched these things online and it has not given me any peace of mind. I am now totally grossed out by one article that said earwigs are nocturnal and like to crawl under the covers. Whether it's true or not - I'm ruined! Also, just knowing that there's a "myth" out there that earwigs get their name because they burrow themselves into people's ears - AGH! And then, I just read some lady's blog about her earwig infestation and she said they were on her toilet seats and in their beds and that 30 to 40 of them would come crawling out of the wall at one time! One of the more disturbing of our earwig tales involves Andrew having to very quickly (and quietly) scoop one out of the bathtub while the kids were in there. (Do you have the willies yet?) It's not even like we have a messy house or anything! I vacuum every other day (Joey is shedding) and sweep around the table after every meal (Nate is a major crumb-causer). I bet our house was built on an earwig colony or something - like "Poltergeist" only earwig style.
I'm just so exhausted with this whole thing. It's really wearing on me. What makes it even harder is that I feel like I'm the only one who really cares that our house is being invaded. Andrew will kill them if he sees them but he doesn't really think it's a big deal. I actually prayed today and asked to please make the earwigs go away so I wouldn't have to kill them anymore. I'm just so tired of it all. I just want to be able to relax in my own home and not have to worry about whether something's going to crawl on me or my kids while they sleep.
I plan to call my exterminator again tomorrow because then it will have been a full week since his last spray - I just get concerned about all that spraying around the kids. I mean, it doesn't seem to have any effect on the "muthafocken" earwigs so it should be ok - but then again...
Maybe a plea to them would help - "Please earwigs - go back outside so I don't have to kill you anymore. I'm sorry if our house smashed your home - we have a nice backyard for you to enjoy though. We're not any fun in here anyway - I don't have a lot of plants for you to eat and I'm sure you find no entertainment in "So You Think You Can Dance" so please just find your way outside and have a long, joyous life anywhere but within our house. Thanks so much for cooperating. Sincerely, The one who keeps squashing you with anything she can grab."
It's worth a shot - at this point I'll try just about anything.
Even if I'm just walking a few feet from the kitchen to the table, I carry it with me.
I try to plan my day so I will be able to have time to enjoy it. (Nate's nap time, Nia's rest time)
When I'm not absorbed in it, I'm thinking about it. (While I'm cooking/doing the dishes...)
I talk about it to other people even if they don't want to really talk about it. (People at the YMCA/my loyal husband)
This is not the first time I've been like this and I know it will not be the last.
Harry Potter consumes my mind.
I just reread the 5th book "Order of the Phoenix" in anticipation of the movie (in theaters July 11th!) and now I am rereading the 6th book "Half Blood Prince" in anticipation of the 7th (which will be in my mailbox on July 21st).
I was even trying to plan out how I should prepare for all of this upcoming Potter excitement. I sought help from Andrew (who has absolutely no interest in the books/movies and is only taking me to this movie because I agreed he could have unlimited time playing PlayStation.) I asked him if I should wait until after we watch the movie to reread the 6th book because then that way I will have a clear stream of events. He said he thought that would be a good idea (trying his hardest to care) and while I thought so too I couldn't help but begin the 6th.
I'm also re-watching movies 1-4 and I've advised Andrew he needs to watch them so he'll have an idea of what's going on with the movie. Just to give you an idea of how that's going - we started watching the first movie last night - he only lasted 45 minutes before falling asleep. I, naturally, am in total disbelief that he doesn't love this story as much as I love it. I think he's just jealous of all the time I've been spending with Harry.
Andrew and I have decided to make our family adventures for the eyes of friends and family only. If you are either of those and would like to keep reading about the fam, let us know! :)
Who taught you how to cook?
Submitted by Donna.
I'm still learning and my mom is still teaching! In fact, just the other day I had to call her and ask her what "heavy cream" is. A recipe I was going to attempt called for "heavy cream" and I had no clue! I also just discovered what a leek was. At least I wasn't the only one who didn't know - the check out girl had to ask one of the other check out girls what it was. Since I wasn't 100% sure I just waited for the girl to answer so I knew I bought the right thing.
I'm just loving a few of them right now (of the ones I get to watch when Andrew is not fast-forwarding them).
Here are some that make me laugh out loud (in no particular order):
- The Geico one where the caveman is being interviewed by the news anchor. I like those caveman commercials overall but that one just cracks me up!
- The BK one where the people are dressed up like burgers and junior says "I wish I'd never been broiled." Or the one where junior says "you treat me like I'm on the kids' menu!"
- Some cell phone one where the family is sitting at the dinner table and the dad keeps texting his family to pass him things - I just really like when the dad giggles like a little boy because he loves his toy so much.
- Andrew also got me liking those Peyton Manning ones where he's encouraging random people.
You know what's even more funny about these commercials is that they don't make me want to buy their stuff- I just think they're funny. I mean, I can't even remember what product those last two were selling.
There is one on now that many of you might not see because it's for Publix Supermarkets but it made me cry the other day. It was so freakin' predictable and I told myself as I was watching it, you're not going to cry - you know what's going to happen. That didn't work though because there I was standing at my stove cooking, spoon in hand, balling into the spahetti sauce. It was about a little boy who wants to bake a heart-shaped cake for a girl and asks his mom for help - his mom is all protective like, "who's this girl?" - well of course that girl turned out to be her. Click here to see it.
Do I want to go shop at Publix now because of that commercial? Well, it doesn't matter because I shop there anyways!
The I think bothers me the most is one of those "oh I'm just driving along talking when BAM a car slams into me" ones. I don't mind them - I actually think they're kind of funny in a sick way but there's one with a mom and her baby in the backseat and it just makes me sick to my stomach. I guess it's what being a mom is all about - when it comes to your sweeties - nothing worries me more. I guess that commercial did what it was supposed to do - except make me want to give them money. (I actually don't know which company that one was for either!)
Do you have any favorites/most hated?
It was a 20 minute drive and very worth it! My Caramel Frap was the most delicious one I've had in awhile. Sometimes they skimp on the caramel and whipped cream - not this time though. I always order the smallest size but it's been so long since I had one I went all out and made it a "venti"! Man was that thing HUGE! IT WAS AWESOME!
I don't get out much, can you tell? I don't care - it was a very enjoyable moment for me and I look forward to the next one! I think I'll wait a week or so though after savoring all those calories and fat! At least now I know where I need to go for my Frap fix! (Thanks to Jason for the tip!)
Yes, I'm one of those people. The one who needs their Starbucks fix. I have $50 in gift cards burning a hole in my new really cool diaper bag (thanks to our new friend Monica) and they are all I can think about. As soon as I'm finished posting this I'm going to search for the closest Starbucks drive-thru and then load up the kids and take a road trip! I haven't been out of the house during the day all week so what better reason!?!? (Forget about the groceries and other necessities we need - Caramel Frap here I come!)
